Being a tattoo artist means you’ve seen it all, but some requests are just unforgettable for all the wrong reasons. My friend Eddie Peralta, a tattoo artist from New Jersey, has a treasure trove of stories about truly awful tattoo requests he’s encountered over the years. I’ve always pushed him to compile these into a book showcasing the absolute worst tattoos, but he’s hesitant. Maybe he feels sympathy for the people walking around with these permanent mistakes, or perhaps he’s just worried about his name being associated with them. Whatever the reason, he’s keeping a goldmine of awful tattoo stories from the world, especially from his early days in Elizabeth, New Jersey, when he was starting out and, let’s just say, refining his clientele. Don’t get me wrong, Eddie is an incredibly talented artist now, but back then, his skills were sometimes applied to the most spectacularly bad tattoo ideas imaginable. We’re not talking about trendy, ironic bacon tattoos; we’re talking about truly bizarre and regrettable ink.
One image that sticks in my mind is a photo from the mid-90s featuring a woman who was generously proportioned, to put it mildly. She wanted portraits of Tupac and Biggie Smalls tattooed on her breasts – Tupac on the left and Biggie on the right. As if that wasn’t enough, she also requested a large sacred heart be placed on her chest between the portraits, complete with the words “forever in my heart” underneath. It was a bold tribute, to say the least, and a prime example of a tattoo that might not have aged well.
Another classic example of tattoo absurdity involved a client who was clearly a huge Snoop Dogg fan. Remember Snoop’s “Who Am I?” video from 1993, where he and his crew morph into dogs? Apparently, that video had a profound impact on a man in Elizabeth. He came into Eddie’s shop wanting portraits of his three sons tattooed on his shoulder. He brought in a photo of the boys and asked Eddie to sketch out a portrait. But then came the “just one more thing” requests. First, he insisted all three boys be wearing hats, because, according to him, they always wore hats. The youngest wore a backwards baseball cap, the oldest a Kangol worn at an angle, and for the middle son, the dad suggested a fedora, giving Eddie free rein. Eddie, ever the professional, obliged and started sketching. Then came another “oh, and one more thing.” The dad asked if Eddie could make them look a bit younger, “not babies, but younger.” Again, Eddie nodded and adjusted the sketch. Finally, the kicker: “And one more thing,” the dad said, “Can you draw them as pit bulls?” Eddie, understandably confused, held up the photo of the human sons and asked, “Why did you bring me this picture?” The dad’s matter-of-fact reply? “As a reference.” And so, Eddie created what must be one of the most unique and bizarre family portraits ever inked: three pit bulls in hats. The only thing that could have possibly made it even more epic would have been if they were playing poker or maybe rolling dice.
These are just a couple of examples from Eddie’s collection of tattoo nightmares. They serve as a hilarious reminder that when it comes to tattoos, sometimes the worst ideas make for the best stories, even if they result in some truly regrettable ink.
