Taylor Swift’s latest album, The Tortured Poets Department, has sent shockwaves through the music world, not just for its surprise double release, but for the lyrical deep dives into past relationships. As Swifties dissect every verse, many are wondering about the real-life inspirations behind the songs. Among the burning questions is one particularly intriguing detail sparked by a lyric: does Joe Alwyn, Taylor Swift’s former long-term partner, have tattoos?
The album, described by Taylor as a “lifeline,” is brimming with emotionally charged poetry, leading fans to speculate about which tracks are about her six-year relationship with British actor Joe Alwyn, and which might reference her brief fling with The 1975’s Matty Healy. While the album title itself, The Tortured Poets Department, seems to nod towards a group chat Joe Alwyn reportedly shared with Paul Mescal and Andrew Scott called “The Tortured Man Club,” the lyrical content is far more nuanced and raises questions beyond just album titles.
One lyric in particular has fans buzzing in relation to tattoos and Joe: “Like a tattooed golden retriever.” This line appears in the song ‘You Smoked Then Ate Seven Bars of Chocolate’. However, before diving into whether this line is about Joe Alwyn, let’s address the primary question: does Joe Alwyn actually have tattoos?
Publicly, there’s no evidence to suggest Joe Alwyn sports any visible tattoos. Unlike some celebrities who openly display their ink, Joe has maintained a relatively private persona, and photos and appearances over the years haven’t revealed any tattoos. This is in stark contrast to Matty Healy, who is known for his numerous and prominent tattoos.
This distinction becomes crucial when analyzing Taylor’s lyrics. The line “Like a tattooed golden retriever” isn’t actually linked to songs speculated to be about Joe Alwyn. Instead, it appears in a song where lyrical clues point strongly towards Matty Healy. Let’s break down the album and explore how the tattoo mention, and the broader lyrical content, helps differentiate between potential references to Joe and Matty.
Songs Pointing Fingers: Matty Healy and the Ink Connection
Several songs on The Tortured Poets Department seem to lean heavily into the Matty Healy narrative, and the “tattooed” lyric is just one piece of the puzzle.
‘Fortnight (feat. Post Malone)’
While some initially thought ‘Fortnight’ might lament the lingering heartbreak from the Joe Alwyn breakup, certain lines suggest otherwise. The lyrics, “And no one here’s to blame / But what about your quiet treason? / I took the miracle move-on-drug / The effects were temporary / and I love you, it’s ruining my life,” could describe the whirlwind nature of a shorter, more intense connection, like the rumored “fortnight” relationship timeline some fans have speculated about regarding Taylor and Matty.
‘I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)’
This track screams “bad boy romance,” a label often associated with Matty Healy. Lyrics like, “The smoke billows out his mouth / Like a freight train through a small town / The jokes that he told her across the bar were revolting / And far too loud,” paint a picture of someone with a more edgy, controversial public image – traits more aligned with Healy than the often-reserved Alwyn. The line, “They shake their heads saying ‘God help her’ when I tell ‘em he’s my man / But your good Lord doesn’t need to / I can fix him / No, really I can,” further suggests a relationship dynamic that feels more aligned with Healy’s public persona and controversies.
Taylor Swift, Nick Grimshaw and Matt Healy in 2015 ©David M. Benett/Getty Images for Soho House & Bacardi
‘The Tortured Poet’s Department’
The title track itself, while nodding to Alwyn’s group chat, contains lyrics that strongly suggest Healy. The typewriter reference, “You left your typewriter at my apartment / Straight from the tortured poets department / I think some things I never say / like who uses typewriters anyway?” directly connects to Matty Healy’s known affinity for typewriters, which he discussed in a 2018 GQ interview. Lines like, “But you’re in self sabotage mode throwing spikes down the road / But I’ve seen this episode and still loved the show,” could reflect a relationship with known ups and downs and public scrutiny, something more characteristic of the Healy dynamic.
Taylor Swift and Matty Healy in May, 2023
Taylor Swift and Matty Healy in May, 2023 ©Getty
‘You Smoked Then Ate Seven Bars of Chocolate’ and the Tattoo Connection
This is where the “tattooed golden retriever” lyric comes into play. The song also name-drops Charlie Puth, singing “You smoked then ate seven bars of chocolate / We declared Charlie Puth should be a bigger artist.” This is significant because Matty Healy publicly expressed admiration for Charlie Puth in a 2018 tweet, linking himself to this seemingly random name-drop.
Crucially, the very next line after the Charlie Puth mention is, “I scratch your head, you fall asleep/ Like a tattooed golden retriever.” This juxtaposition, combined with the Charlie Puth reference and Healy’s known tattoos, strongly suggests this line, and potentially the song, is about him, not Joe Alwyn who, again, is not publicly known to have tattoos.
Songs Soaked in Sorrow: Decoding the Joe Alwyn Chapters
While Matty Healy seems to be the muse for some of the album’s more pointed tracks, other songs delve into the complexities and heartbreak of the long-term relationship with Joe Alwyn. These songs lack the overt tattoo references but are rich in details that resonate with what was publicly known about their relationship.
‘My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys’
This song reflects on the secretive nature of Taylor and Joe’s relationship. Lyrics like, “Put me back on my shelf/ But first, pull the string and I’ll tell you that he runs because he loves me,” and “I felt more when we played than with all the Kens / ‘Cause he took me out of my box / stole my tortured heart / left all these broken parts /told me I’m better off, but I’m not,” speak to a dynamic where affection might have been expressed in less conventional, perhaps more private ways. The “running” reference could also allude to Joe Alwyn’s known aversion to paparazzi, a stark contrast to the more public nature of Taylor’s current relationship.
‘So Long, London’
Track five, notoriously Taylor’s most emotionally raw spot on an album, is ‘So Long, London’. This song is widely interpreted as a direct farewell to her time and relationship in London with Joe. The shift from “London Boy” to “So Long, London” is heartbreakingly evident. Lyrics like, “I stopped CPR after all it’s no use / The spirit was gone, we would never come to / And I’m pissed off you would let me give you all that youth for free / So long, London,” are a stark portrayal of a relationship’s slow demise and the resentment that can follow. The mention of “the house in the Heath” further solidifies the London setting and her life with Alwyn.
Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn, 2022
Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn, 2022
‘Fresh Out The Slammer’
This track captures the immediate aftermath of the breakup with Joe. “Another summer taking cover / Rolling thunder, he don’t understand me / Splintered back in Winter / Silent dinner, bitter he was with her in dreams,” depicts a sense of isolation and disconnect within the relationship before the split. The lines “Now we’re at the starting line / I did my time,” suggest a quick transition to a new relationship after a period of feeling confined, although fans debate whether this “new” relationship is with Matty Healy or Travis Kelce.
‘loml’
‘loml’ is a deeply poignant track seemingly dissecting broken promises within the Alwyn relationship. “You shit talked me under the table talking rings and talking cradles” and “What we thought was for all time was just momentary,” are heartbreakingly direct about unmet expectations of a long-term future. The “cinephile” reference, “Impressionist paintings of heaven turned out to be fakes,” and the line, “The coward claimed he was a lion,” hint at a disillusionment with a partner who may have presented an idealized version of themselves.
Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn, November 2019
Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn, November 2019 ©GOR/GC Images
‘I Can Do It With A Broken Heart’
This upbeat-sounding track reveals the internal struggle Taylor faced during the Eras Tour amidst her heartbreak. “I’m a real tough kid, I can handle my shit,” and “They said I gotta fake it till you make it, and baby I did,” highlight the pressure to maintain a public image while privately dealing with emotional turmoil. “All the pieces of me shattered while the crowd was shouting more / I was grinning like I’m winning, I was hitting my marks / Because I can do it with a broken heart,” reveals the dichotomy between her on-stage persona and her inner feelings during the time of the breakup with Joe.
‘The Black Dog’
‘The Black Dog’, a bonus track, delves into post-breakup anxieties and social media stalking. “Old habits die screaming / I move through the world heartbroken, longing unspoken / And I may never open up the way I did for you,” captures the lingering pain and fear of future vulnerability. The specific mention of “The Black Dog,” potentially referencing a pub in Vauxhall near Joe Alwyn’s rumored area, adds a layer of specificity suggesting a personal connection to the location and the subject of the song.
‘The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived’
This scathing track is filled with raw emotion and potential betrayal. “You didn’t measure up in any measure of a man / I would have died for your sins but instead I just died inside / You deserve prison, but you won’t get time / You will slide into inboxes and slip through the bars,” suggests a deep sense of hurt and disappointment, leading fans to speculate about potential infidelity, although this remains unconfirmed regarding Taylor and Joe’s split.
Decoding the Ink: Tattoos as a Lyrical Clue
In conclusion, while the question “Does Joe Alwyn Have Tattoos?” might seem tangential, it actually becomes a fascinating entry point into decoding Taylor Swift’s The Tortured Poets Department. The answer, based on public information, appears to be no. This lack of tattoos, juxtaposed with the lyric “like a tattooed golden retriever” and its placement within a song filled with Matty Healy references, strengthens the argument that Taylor uses specific details – or in this case, the absence of a detail for Joe and the presence for Matty – to differentiate between her past relationships within her songwriting.
The Tortured Poets Department is a lyrical labyrinth, and while Joe Alwyn undoubtedly occupies a significant space within its verses, the album also vividly paints a picture of other relationships, including the whirlwind with Matty Healy. The “tattooed golden retriever” line serves as a subtle but telling clue, reminding us that every lyric, every detail, is meticulously placed within Taylor Swift’s poetic department, inviting us to decode the stories woven within.
