The story etched onto my skin is more than just art; it’s a lifeline. For many, tattoos are a form of self-expression, a way to commemorate loved ones, or simply an aesthetic choice. But for me, and for a growing number of people, a tattoo serves as a powerful symbol of hope and resilience – a Suicide Prevention Tattoo.
Like many, I kept this part of my story hidden for years. My “Trust God” tattoo on my left wrist, often unnoticed or misunderstood, is a deeply personal reminder of my journey through depression and suicidal ideation. It wasn’t until World Suicide Prevention Day that I felt compelled to share the significance of this ink and the battles it represents.
My Dance with Depression: From Darkness to Ink
From a young age, I felt a persistent sense of otherness, a feeling of not quite fitting in. This feeling morphed into a decades-long struggle with depression, a constant companion that painted my world in shades of gray. Social isolation became a physical ache, a slow dimming of my spirit. Even now, that feeling of isolation can trigger past anxieties, though I’ve learned healthier ways to cope and navigate those moments.
There was a point in my late teens when the weight became unbearable. The thought of another day felt insurmountable. The world around me seemed to function with ease, a stark contrast to the monumental effort it took for me just to exist. Suicide felt like the only escape. Yet, a flicker of love for my mother, my constant support, anchored me. I confided in her, a conversation that I now realize, as a mother myself, must have been agonizing for her to hear.
Within 24 hours, I was in a clinic, starting medication and therapy. This was the beginning of a long and arduous journey back to myself. Years of therapy, self-discovery, and unwavering support slowly led me from simply “okay” to “normal,” then to “good,” and eventually to experiencing genuine happiness and joy. Even now, therapy remains an integral part of my life, a continuous process of growth and understanding.
This journey was not undertaken alone. Countless individuals, with their words of encouragement, comforting hugs, shared tears, and heartfelt prayers, lifted me during my darkest hours. My tattoo is a tangible representation of their unwavering support, a tribute to those who helped carry my burden.
The “Trust God” Tattoo: An Anchor in the Storm
Positioned on my left wrist, close to my heart, this tattoo is more than just ink; it’s a constant reminder. It whispers that even when faced with seemingly insurmountable challenges, unbearable pain, or overwhelming distress, a path forward exists. It symbolizes the infinite wellspring of strength ready to catch me if I falter, to join me in my struggles, and guide me back to safety. It’s a testament to the enduring value of life itself.
Looking at it, I see a monument to my promise to stay alive for my mother and the dreams she held for me. It represents my connection to my ancestors, my responsibility to future generations, and my place in the world. When you are in the depths of despair, you grasp for any anchor, anything to pull you back to the surface, to take just one more breath. This tattoo is one of my anchors.
Living with a Hidden Burden: The Importance of Openness
We often encounter people in our daily lives – colleagues, acquaintances, even strangers – engaging in business, planning events, and closing deals, all while silently carrying immense emotional weight. They may be battling thoughts that the world should stop, that their pain is too much to bear.
I wrote a screenplay while grappling with suicidal thoughts. I achieved academic success and landed my dream job in television while battling severe depression. I even became a coach, helping other women, while internally fighting the most debilitating postpartum depression, constantly battling thoughts of abandoning my family to escape the pain.
Many of us become adept at coping, at presenting a façade of normalcy. We “show off” instead of “showing up” authentically. We become masters of pretense, never truly releasing the heaviness within.
A Survivor’s Plea: Stay Alive and Reach Out
Today, as a survivor, I want to share two crucial messages. First, if you are struggling, please stay alive – today. Stay alive for yourself, for your loved ones, for the world. Find your anchor, whatever it may be. Stay alive and fight for your tomorrow.
Second, reach out to those around you who may be struggling. People in the depths of despair often don’t ask for help. Offer it freely. Look into the eyes of your colleagues, truly connect with your employees, engage fully in every interaction. Be present enough to recognize silent cries for help.
It’s time to dismantle the stigma surrounding sadness, depression, and mental illness, especially in the workplace. We need to share our struggles, to create spaces where vulnerability is accepted, and healing can begin.
My hope is that by sharing my story and the meaning behind my suicide prevention tattoo, I can offer a glimmer of hope to someone who needs it today, tomorrow, and always. I have been in that dark place, and I sincerely wish for everyone a path toward wholeness and well-being.
